It’s Nice to Be Back in Sunny California!
How to Be a Magnetic Communicator
The art of communication is the most important skill in life, and I used to be terrible at it.
God and the universe act in strange ways.
Who would have guessed that I would bump into 1 of the top 6 most influential books in life in a long car ride back home from Killington, Vermont?
And that is how my journey towards being a Magnetic Communicator begun.
I Love Skiing
My recent trip to Vancouver made me think of a special ski trip from over ten years ago. Even though I didn’t get to go skiing this time (Ethan is way too young.), Vancouver has one of the BEST ski resorts in the world.
If you are into skiing, you definitely have to check out Whistler/Blackcomb.
I got really into skiing after college. You can say I was a late bloomer because I didn’t learn how to ski until I was 23, but I once I started, I got hooked on it pretty quickly.
I skied at least 25 days each year, took lessons, and even went on one-day solo trips just to practice what I learned. (Yes, I would go by myself on one-day bus trips just so that I could get better and better.)
Skiing was my form of “personal growth” back then!
Special Ski Trip
One of the best ski trips I had was a visit to Whistler Blackcomb in Vancouver, but it was not the most memorable.
My most memorable trip had nothing to do with skiing at all.
It was memorable because I “bumped” into 1 of the top 6 books that changed my life on the car ride back.
I was sitting in the back of the car on a four-hour drive back from Killington Ski Resort to New York City. One of my friend’s friends, whose name is Emily, was reading a book. I asked Emily what she was reading, and she showed me the cover. It read:
I saw the title, and I was stunned. For the first time I saw a book that hit me on the spot.
It felt like someone slapping me in the face because the title was EXACTLY what I had wanted to do for many years.
I had always wanted to be a “good talker” and someone to whom people were attracted.
When I got home, I instantly ordered the book, and after reading just the first two chapters, I realized that I had it all wrong.
I had lived my first two decades of my life ALL WRONG.
Lack of Good Communication Skills Was My Handicap
I had always wanted to be a good communicator and someone that could make friends easily.
Heck, who doesn’t want to be like that?!
So while I had plenty of company in that desire, I probably wanted it more because I felt that my shyness held me back. I felt like I was missing out on things in life.
Three Things That I Was Wrong About
When I started to read How to Win Friends and Influence People I realized I had made three mistakes in terms of communication:
1) Communication Is NOT About Being a Good Talker
I always thought that you had to be a “good talker” to be someone who attracts others. I thought I had to use certain words or have a certain style to impress people and get them attracted to me.
I learned in the first few pages that the opposite is true.
No wonder I had trouble getting girls back then!
I had it all wrong!
From the book I immediately learned that the BEST Communicators are the BEST Listeners, the ones who let others talk.
The more you let others talk, the more people will like you!
Also, by listening, you will get to know what others are interested to talk about.
People like you ONLY when you let them talk!
And, if you do talk, talk about things that THEY like to discuss, not what YOU want to discuss.
2) Good Communicators Are NOT Born
I always thought that communication was tied to your personality type and that people were born to be good talkers.
Well, I learned that being a good communicator had nothing to do with being a good talker, and that it was NOT something that was given to you at birth.
Good communicators are MADE and not born.
Anyone can learn to become a good communicator. You just have to practice being a better listener and talk about things that interest others.
3) Don’t Let Low Self-Esteem Hold You Back
The third mistake I made was related to the previous two, and it had to do with my attitude.
Because I thought that people were “born” as good talkers and communicators, I felt that there was no hope for me.
I was born to be “bad talker,” and this attitude caused me to have low self-esteem. It caused me to give up.
When I used to take my liberal arts courses at Columbia University, I would always just sit in the back of the class and give up my “class participation” grade and just settle for a B.
Because I had low self-esteem and felt that I was not “born” a good communicator, I could never compete against the rest of the students. I felt that I should shut up, say nothing, and prevent myself from looking stupid.
I quickly learned how to handle the low self-esteem problem.
All I had to do was take something that I learned in the book and apply it each day.
Often it would require me to step outside my comfort zone and do something that I was not used to doing.
However, the more I did it, the better I got at it, and the more fun it became!
And that… is how my journey to become a Magnetic Communicator started.
How I Made Sure I Learned the Lessons
Reading the book was one thing, but making sure I remembered and applied what I learned was another.
I don’t know if this will work for you, but it did for me.
I took all the main points from each chapter and wrote them on index cards. Then, each morning before I went for my 530am jog, I would read over the main points.
And later, during my run, I would repeat the main points from memory— as much as I could—over and over and over again in my mind until I committed them to memory.
I must have done this thousands of times to the point that if you woke me up in the middle of the night, I could recite the index cards back to you.
A Helpful But Simple Exercise You Can Do Daily to Improve Your Communication
The other thing I did was to consciously FIND opportunities during my daily life to apply the techniques I read in the book.
One of the exercises I did was something like this.
Every time someone said something I made it a point to SHUT UP and ask three questions before I would comment on it and give my opinion.
For example, if someone said that the New York Knicks basketball team was playing really well and they could be a championship contender this year, I would ask them three questions to elaborate more on that comment.
The old Simon would just blab out my opinion on the Knicks, but I learned from the book that no one cared. Blabbing out my opinion was the last thing I should do if I wanted to be a good communicator.
The new Simon applied the lessons from How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and I would ask questions and let the other person talk and talk and talk.
Some questions that I might ask would be:
1) Why do you think the Knicks are such a good team right now?
2) What is the biggest weakness that the Knicks need to improve?
3) What teams do you think could potentially give the Knicks problems in the Playoffs?
After I let the other person talk and talk… ONLY THEN would I say a few things and give my opinion.
And that… is how my journey to become a Magnetic Communicator began.
It Has Been a Fun and Rewarding Journey
As I became a better communicator, magic things just happened in my life.
To sum it up, life just became MORE FUN!
Recently I made my mom very proud when I launched THE S.O.W. SPONSORING SYSTEM, which is a prospecting training system for network marketing distributors. One of the major portions of the 22 CDs/Videos is an entire component devoted to how you can become a Magnetic Communicator so that prospects will become attracted to you.
Who would have thought 15 years ago that I could teach a course on Communication?!
And it all started out with a book that I randomly encountered in the backseat of a car coming home from a ski trip.
If you have never read How to Win Friends and Influence People, I would highly recommend it.
If you have read it already, comment and let me know how it impacted your life!
P.S. Many of you have contacted me and enjoy the lessons that I have included in my past blogs. If you are hungry and want to learn more tips on how to increase your productivity, improve your life and become more successful, I would like to invite you to become a member of Simon Chan Insider’s Circle. For a limited time Membership is FREE. Click Here to learn more.
THE S.O.W. SPONSORING SYSTEM
For Distributors Who Don’t Have Sales Experience
Learn how to Easily Invite More Prospects to learn about your network marketing business…
so that you can Sponsor MORE distributors regardless of whether you are good in sales or know how to present.
This 20 DVD/CD Training is divided into 7 Components
COMPONENT 1: The Attitude and Daily Routine of Top Sponsors
COMPONENT 2: Magnetic Communication
COMPONENT 3: How to Easily Approach and Invite Prospects
COMPONENT 4: Learn how NOT to Bore Your Prospects
COMPONENT 5: How to Overcome Over 50 Types of Objections
COMPONENT 6: How to Maximize Your Business Through Followups
COMPONENT 7: Closing and Getting Your Prospects to Join You